Burdened and Confused

Hey... Please allow me to sidetrack a bit. Not gonna post old updates for you guys today but want to express my emotions.


Emotionally Burdened
Since my dad passed on a couple of years back, I felt like I've been losing myself. It was a sudden loss to everyone who knew him. It's too sudden and painful that I start tearing just thinking about him.. But these few weeks, particularly today, I've been feeling extremely down. Although when I'm with people, I'll put on my normal happy mask and pretend to be "myself". I hate lying to others, I hate lying to myself but if I were to show my true self, oh man, everyone will be worried. I can hide feelings really well but when I'm alone, that's when shit thoughts come. The words 'give up' came to me so often that it scares me. In my phone, I've left a drafted message to my loved ones just in case I really lose myself one day.

I'm feeling such a heavy burden in my heart. I can literally stare at the TV blankly or scroll through my FB and cry when no one's around me. I'm not sure what's happening to me... Is it because I'm tired from work? Is it because I feel unworthy to the people around me? Is it because I don't really know who am I? Am I lonely? Am I discontented with life? So many questions yet so little answers.

I sometimes wonder whether I'm on the way to depression. I've read the symptoms online, seems like I'm not. Are there any helpline where I can chat through message and not via a phone call? I need someone, a neutral party, to speak to...


Emotionally Confused
Also, I've been really confused about my feelings. I'm currently attached for 2+ years. Let me make myself clear before I get judged for my story, I still love my boy alright.

So... I met one of my exes at a gathering with our mutual friends many weeks back. I would say he was my first true love but due to our immaturity at that time (omgosh, almost 10 years ago), we ended things. I remember very clearly that it was a very hurtful breakup that it took me more than a year to move on. However, I think I've never fully gotten over him. 

Although I was in kind-of-a-relationship - together but no together - with a college friend, he (the ex) was still at the back of my mind/heart. Until now, whenever I see him, it's hard to look at and chat with him. I'm guessing it's due to shyness and regret. He seemed to move on very well and has been attached with the same girl for several years but unsure whether he intends to get married. Lol...

Anyway, I drove to the gathering that day. After dinner, we proceeded to a bar. A few friends car pooled my car to the bar and left their things in my car as we parked nearby. Mind you, only 10 to 20 steps. When two of them wanted to leave, I had to unlock my cars for them to get their bags. He said he will follow me. At first I thought that he thought I was going off and he wanted me to drop him off. 

Then I told him, "No lah, they just want to take their stuff from my car." 

He was like, "Yea, I'll follow you."

"It's okay, my car's really near."

But he insisted. Wokay, if you say so~  

He accompanied me since I was walking alone back from the car. I initially stood at the stairs to unlock my car (my car was on the opposite side of the road), saw my friend opened the boot to take his bag and exposed my bag (I was taught not to expose any bags when parked at any place). In a panic, I quickly crossed the road to my car and he followed behind. He could have stayed at the stairs and look out. 

I wasn't sure whether he was just being a gentleman or what.... I'm shit confused until today. The whole scene replayed in my mind so many times. My heart melted a little. Tbh, I don't think my bf would actually follow me to my car... So after the two friends left, I locked my car, crossed the road, went up the stairs with him and I thanked him, He said, "No problem."/"You're welcome." and we walked back to our seats.

Guys, please tell me what do you think about this? Am I over reading his actions?

New Year & Updates!

Hey guys! 

Firstly, Happy New Year 2018! It's been 7 years since my last blog. How time have passed! So much has happened these past years.

And I'm thinking of reviving my blog and using this platform to express my feelings, thoughts and possibly secrets. 😉 It is difficult to do so when you have so many friends, relatives and colleagues on your social media sites. Why did I add so many of them? T.T

ANYWAY, where should I begin? Hmm....  I'll summarize my life events by years (I might even split them into a few posts):

#Throwback to 2010...

The crush
So... I had a crush on someone during my first year of college. The first day we met was on our orientation day. We took almost the same classes throughout the 3 semesters. The few of us also hung out a lot to do discussion and soon feelings between him and I developed. We looked like we were dating but we weren't.

Fun fact: He has similar name to my ex with initials, HS. Lols... Such coincidence.

MUET
My degree requires us to take one of the English proficiency tests - MUET, IELTS or TOEFL - within the first year of the course. MUET was the cheapest, so I took that. This test consists of the usual writing, listening and speaking tests. The exam was held in SEGi KD. The writing and listening test were not a problem for me and I think I scored fairly. However, when it comes to the speaking test, I was like die die die.

For the speaking test, participants were randomly selected into groups and there were 3 to 4 person with a facilitator/examiner. It was a debate setting. I was lucky (or more of unlucky) to have my friends in the same group. We were given question, then time to write our points then we have to defend our points. I went blank from the nervousness. With that, my friends outshone me. A few weeks later, we received our results and jeng jeng jeng, I FAILED! 😭

I had the choice of resitting MUET or take another type of test. Not wanting to go through the failure again, I chose the latter - IELTS. Although way more expensive but at least I passed. Yay!!!


Christian Fellowship (CF)
I used to attend CF in high school and was not attending church then. The lack of God's presence in my life was making me backslide. I was looking for CF in SEGi and LO AND BEHOLD, there was a poster in the lift. My friends & I decided to check it out. It was the game that attracted my friends. I memang intend to explore. HS was a non-believer and because of that poster, he attended CF for the first time and continued to attend weekly. 

I remembered the first person who greeted me was Mel O, the CF President. My first impression was that she has pretty big eyes. Haha... Throughout CF, I made so many new friends. I even volunteered for my first SEGi Christmas Bash. Wooooots~~~!

 

   Door decoration

Me

 

      Group photo - The Ushers

 With friends and former lecturer

Had an awesome time at this bash and it felt great to feel the Lord's presence again!

I will wrap up with this update and shall post again in due time. Thank you for reading! 😊

End it or not?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately... Shall I just end my blog here? Or should I continue? I wonder who actually reads it?? Since now I've just started my new semester, 2nd year in college, my life has been quite occupied. Even though I have semester breaks, it's only maximum a month, compared to other college that has Summer break for probably two over months.

Then when I had the mood to blog, I know that it'll be a freakin' long post as I haven't update for a long time already but because it lags when I load the main blog page, my mood will just fade away later on. Another thing that pops up in mind, when I had the mood, is this: "Who actually reads my blog? Is it worth the time to type and upload pictures when no one's reading it?"

And I know I've promised in the last post that I'll update my blog last month, in other words, last year but I'm sorry that I've broken my promise. If you would like me to continue updating my blog and don't mind if I update only once in a while, please convince me that there are someone who actually reads my blog. It's not because I want attention, it's because I don't wanna waste my time on a blog which no one reads it. So please, do let me know...

Thanks!

xoxo,

Jojo

Busy x3

Harlo everyone. :)


First of all, I would like to apologize for not posting for more than 2 months already.
It's because I'm busy with my college life. =/
I won't be free to post long posts until my end term exam (2nd week of December) ends.
I PROMISE that I will post about my life, college life, problems, who I like and who I don't, and everything from September until December (hopefully I remember everything =S).
Look out for more in December! :)
I may post some posts in between when I feel like it. :)


Secondly, I hate college life >.< except that I get to see my friends <3
So form 5-ers of 2010, enjoy your last moments of Form 5.
You may think college is fun and I thought so too when I was in Form 5, but I was wrong.
I miss my school friends so much and I miss some teachers too! :(
College assignments are H-E-L-L! >.< which caused me to have not enough sleep and super duper stressed out =/
Pimples also come out already ='( HAIH...


To ALL Form 5-ers, if you are reading this post, ALL THE BEST in SPM!
You can do it! ;)


That's all I could think of telling now.
Take care and goodbye!
G'nights! :D

Best day of the year - 21st of August 2010

I would like to start off by wishing LEE JIE YING a very Happy Blessed Belated 18th Birthday! =D Her birthday was on the 21st of August,like I mentioned at the title. I don't have an individual picture of her, unfortunately. =(

Anyhow, I'm gonna talk about the 21st of August 2010 =D. It was my birthday too XD

I was in Sunway Pyramid from morning to afternoon. 

Nat and I arrived there the earliest, at 10am. Due to some miscommunication, we arrived an hour earlier. =.= The next two who came was KJ and AA at 11am =.= not long later, Vege came. After that, we started camwhoring while waiting. =D (below are the photos in sequence)

Vege and I ♥

KJ and I

AA and I

Nat and I ♥

When no one else came after our camwhoring "session" and when I started complaining that I was hungry, we left the place we were waiting and headed to Italianese. Well, I was not the only one hungry, the rest of us were also hungry 'cause some ate light breakfast and some didn't eat at all.

We reached Italianese and sat at a table for 20 person upstairs. We sat down not long after, Mimi arrived. I didn't take picture with him because he is a pervert! =O =P

We ordered food while waiting for whoever else to come. (I didn't know who coming that time). Vege, Nat and I shared a main course and a bowl of soup. While eating, Khimmy and Loretta came. =D Thanks for coming guys! ♥=) Leafy called me after we sort of finish eating saying that he will be watching a movie first. The reason he gave is that he was fasting, which is true lah... KJ was, well, "cursing" about Leafy. VJ, aka the dead, who was supposed to be there don't know why came late. KJ also got kinda pissed. After I finished eating, I took picture with Khimmy and supposed to take with Loretta too but after that, what happened is mentioned after the picture below.

Khimmy and I

They continued whatever that is planned. Khimmy took Nat's shawl to cover my eyes, following KJ's instruction. However, the tying got so loose that I actually can see. So I took it down to tie myself. I was looking down all the while but when I suddenly looked up, that was when the mini surprise exposed. Khimmy, who was near me, tried blocking my sight using his hands but too late, I already saw HS, NP and XH (my college friends. FYI, this HS is not my ex) coming towards the table with a birthday cake in XH's hands. I was surprised though I was already suspecting that KJ was gonna surprise me with something. Actually there was something that happened the day before which I didn't suspect that my college friends were involved at all.

*************************************************************************************************************

On Friday, this was the conversation that happened between my college friends and I while waiting to enter the exam hall. One of my friends confirm cannot go because she was going to Genting Highland that day itself. NP didn't take that subject yet, so he wasn't involved in the conversation.

Me : Eh, are you two free tomorrow? (referring to Saturday) My friend and I are
       celebrating my birthday tomorrow. So wanna join anot?
XH : Oh.. I already have something on wor...
Me : Oh... Then nevermind lah.. You leh? (asking HS)
HS : I need to sleep the whole day. (He always talks crap, so I didn't suspect anything)

So after that I said nevermind then...

************************************************************************************************************

Nikesh had to rush for a movie after "sending" the two off at the restaurant. I took picture with my college friends. Yay! XD

Back: HS; Front: XH and I ♥

We ate the cake (no picture of the cake. Sorry...) and left a piece thinking that VJ might be able to come in time. Mana tahu he didn't come. Wasted the cake only =( KJ told me who were supposed to come then.. Well, at least 11 of us turned up at Italianese. =)

HS and XH left first while we waited for the bill. After the bill, while walking down the stairs, I slipped and fell =( Thanks KJ, who was in front of me, managed to "save" me from me falling on my butt. So embarrassing >.< I also gave my friends heart attack >.< Sorry people, didn't mean to. I still think it's 'cause of the slippery stairs though my mom blamed my heels. =.= I said so because when I walked other stairs, I was alright, didn't fall or anything.

We headed to Amp Square to karaoke after eating. Met up with VJ on the way. Nat and I decided to be naughty. We both walked fast in front of them, went down a floor in Marakesh and disappeared to the toilet. XD KJ kept calling us while we were in the toilet. haha... XD We stayed awhile then finally went to Amp Square. The rest were all sitting there and waiting. XD All of us waited for Loretta and Vege (they said they going to shop awhile. Padahal, they were actually buying my birthday gift. Awww... so sweet >.< ♥) and also for Leafy. While waiting, some of us camwhored again XD

VJ and I

Khimmy and I

Everyone finally gather not long after. KJ paid and even "robbed" RM 100 from me. =( KJ, if you're reading this, you still owe me!!!!!! =P

We enter the karaoke room that we were given, room 33, and started singing. Obviously. XD We sang a while then took group picture 'cause Loretta said she needed to go home soon. So here it is:

Testing shot. Leafy the attention seeker.

Look at the third person from the right.
That's Mimi. Now you get what I meant by how pervert (in this case gay) is he?
From left: Leafy, AA, Loretta, Vege, Me, KJ, Mimi, Nat and Khimmy.
The sesat fella in front is VJ.

Supposed to be the perfect shot of all, but thanks to VJ who made us laughed and lost our concentration

I took a picture with Loretta too in case tak sempat (not in time) to take picture with her.

Loretta and I ♥
Aww.. We both wore cross necklaces ♥

Loretta left an hour later than the original time. At least she has an hour extra =DD

Twice I leaned my legs on the left side, I felt there was pain. So after that I poked that part that was pain, and I was guessing that it was bruise. I went to toilet with Nat and I checked my left leg. True enough, there was a bruise. I was like great...a bruise. Thanks to the fall at the stairs.

This was how bad my bruise was at night.

Anyway, we left around 5.20pm when our finishing time is at 7pm. Well, Nat and I needed to do something. Actually, only two of us (and drag one of the guys, Leafy to help Nat about some game stuff) were supposed to go out then come back, but the rest of them came along. Lol..

I walked to Digital Centre to change my MP3 earphones from the low quality shop. Why I said low quality? Reason: I only used the earphones for barely 1 and a half weeks, then one of the sides spoiled already =.= The owner of the shop said don't compact the earphone too much and I just nodded. But logically, if the quality is good, the earphone won't spoil that fast. Am I right?

After leaving Sunway Pyramid (my mom fetched both Natalie and I), we, including my mom, went for Nat's parents' anniversary buffet dinner at this restaurant called Zinglicious. My mom and I are close to her family. =) Btw, thanks, Uncle, for the camera =)

All I can say about the buffet was WOW! I think I ate two portions of my dinner that night, which also means, I'm gaining weight =( 

I took some pictures that night >>>

The anniversary cake ♥

Aww....

The lovely family ♥

Family portrait =D

The mommies and I ^__^ ♥

Below are a few more pictures: =)

Me when I'm home that night ♥

My birthday gifts (not complete, the complete one is in another camera,
will update another time)
Present givers, from left: Nat's mom, Loretta and Vege. The front (a bracelet) by Nat ♥

Contents of Loretta's and Vege's gift. ♥
See the amount of sweets and chocolate! =O

My bruise after a massage on Monday

That's all for 21st August 2010. Before I end this post, I would like to say thanks very much to my friends: Nat, Vege, KJ, AA, Mimi, Loretta, Khimmy, VJ, Leafy, HS, NP and XH, for coming to celebrate my birthday. Thanks lots for your gifts too. To people who wished me on Facebook, thanks very, very much! I ♥ you all. Will treasure that day forever. ^__^  ♥

♥, Jojo

*Hugs and kisses*

♥♥♥

College life = Busy, busy, busy

OMGosh! It's been more than two months since I've last wrote on my blog. I last updated my blog on 15 May! O.O Why? It's because of college!!

First semester (short semester)

I only joined in March 2010, so I'm having a short semester and they (the college authorities) didn't allow us (the new batches) to choose the subject(s) that we wanna take. They only gave a subject, Basic Composition [ENG101], for us to sit, which I feel it's boring for the start of my college. Anyhow, I got A for this subject and great CGPA, 4.0!! ^_^ I was surprised and of course, extremely happy when I saw my result. I was crazy panicking before that.

Second semester (short semester)

Now I'm having my second semester. I took Movies [COMM290] (lecturer was okay :) )and College Algebra with Applications [MATHS105] (my lecturer is a r_t__d, don't like him =P). Anyway, it's gonna end after next week 'cause my final exam for second semester will be on the 29th of July 2010. I was so stressed because of ASSignments, ASSignments, and ASSignments! @.@ FUH! More detailed explaination >>

COLLEGE ALGEBRA 

- This is really ASS-ignment. It is because of the NOT interesting subject a.k.a. BORING, FOOTBALL! I have no idea about football except 22 players kicking and chasing a pathetic ball in such a big field. Thank God my friends and I (same group) managed to pull it off! FUH! Hallelujah! The best thing was the lecturer let us go after we finished our group presentation. We were the second group who went out to the front to present. Freaky wei.. ~.~

MOVIES

1) Discussion leadership (or something like that)

- We need to show a two-minute clip about a movie and create 10 questions based on the clip and 5 questions for discussion with the class. The movie I did was Marley & Me. I was freaking out like nobody's business during that presentation =S but again, Thank God it's over! ^_^

2) Movie making (or something like that)

- The class is divided into groups (chosen by teachers) and we have to make a five minutes clip. What was worse was that all of us have to be involved in the clip as in act inside the clip! >.< I hate this kind of things >.< Anyway, I acted as a biatch (I hate those people! Well, I had not much choice. I either chose the main character or the biatch) and when I watched back the video, I no eye see. 

- Editing was hell! My friend and I edited the clip so many times until perfect so I can put in the subtitle and thanks H. Sen for the subtitle program that we managed to finish up subtitle-ing. Only thing that wasn't really perfect was I could not burn the clip into the CD after finishing the subtitle only at 2AM on the 13th of July! After that I tried burning into the CD until around 5+ AM and SUCCESS! not! The burning FAILED! I was so tensed (as that day itself, that afternoon, we had to pass up the CD during the first ten minutes of class or else marks will be deducted) until I cried to release the heavy burden. I slept I think around 5.40AM and had to wake up at 6.50 or latest at 7am 'cause I carpool, which means I only slept less than two hours ~.~ About an hour or so before class, we troubled my friend's mom to bring an empty CD and used a friend's laptop (thanks, A!) to burn. It was a SUCCESS! =DD During class that day was so tensed. The lecturer was in bad mood =O Praise the Lord that the CD managed to play in her (the lecturer) laptop! FUH!!!

Oh I forgot to mention about me taking Malaysian Studies (MS). So, yeah, I took MS halfway through my second semester and only will end in maybe around 3 weeks time (during the second week of my three week semester break =\ ). Is MS a long semester or short semester? I still can't confirm which one till now. U know why? The lady at the counter, Ms. A, said it's a long sem when my MS lecturer (Mr. Z) said it's a short sem. =.= but in my opinion, I'll trust the lecturer. :) I'm glad that he's my lecturer. He teaches interestingly. :D Anyhow, next Monday (26th July 2010) I'm having presentation for MS with my group mates =S Wish us luck! (I don't believe in luck but it sounds wrong if I say 'Wish us all the best!') hehe...

Third semester (long semester)

I'm only taking four subjects for now:

a) Introduction to Cultural Anthropology

b) Principles of Sociology

c) Introduction to Computer Application

d) Introduction to News Reporting  (I'll be separated from my friends! T.T)

Who else from SEGi College taking these subjects?

When I start my third semester then yeah, I'll try my very best to update you about things.

I know I promised you to post my college pictures, but seriously this is not the time. When I'm COMPLETELY free, I'll post it, okay? :)

For now, I'm just gonna try my very best and would not give up on anything that is coming my way (I'm sure there's more to come! >.<)

" Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use." 

 
- Earl Nightingale

I think it's turning into ♥ rather than like but I wonder do you feel the same? (The person is SECRET)


~ JoJo~

Falling Slowly by Once

I fell in love with this song because of American Idol. Crystal Bowersox and Lee Dewyze performed this song as a duet performance.





Here are the lyrics:

The video below is for those who wanna learn the song on the piano. Really teach you how to play partial of the song.

Credits to YouTube

Hope you enjoy it!

~Jo~

Happy Teacher's Day

Teachers from all over the world are celebrating Teacher's Day tomorrow (16 May 2010). I just wanna wish teachers from my primary school, secondary school and even Ms. Parimala (my college lecturer) but not forgetting other teachers out there, a very Happy Teacher's Day. May your day be the best, may you be showered with love from your students, Take care and may God bless you! :D Here's a poem taken from somewhere for you =) :

Wonderful Teacher

With a special gift for learning
And with a heart that deeply cares,
You add a lot of love
To everything you share,
And even though
You mean a lot,
You'll never know how much,
For you helped
To change the world
Through every life you touched.
You sparked the creativity
In the students whom you taught,
And helped them strive for goals
That could not be bought,
You are such a special teacher
That no words can truly tell
However much you're valued
For the work you do so well.



From: Poem (click the link)


Lots of love from Jojo =)

Happy Mother's Day

Hello to all the mothers out there! I know it's late (9 May 2010) but I just wanna wish Happy Mother's Day to all of you whether you are small or big, short or tall, thin or fat, old or young! =) You are the best mommies in the world! ;) If not because of you, we won't be on Earth. Take care and God bless! =D

Picture from: Google image

Loads of love to all the wonderful mommies out there,

~Jojo~

Birthdays!!

Just a quick one. I wanna wish all these people below Happy Birthday! =D

Happy Birthday, Siong Ann!!

Birthday on 14th of April.

Happy Birthday, Deva Priya!

Birthday on 18th of April.

Happy Birthday, Matthew Moo!!

Birthday on 19th of April.

Happy Birthday, Hon Sang aka perasan man! :P

Birthday on 20th of April.

May God bless all of you! ;)

*Pictures from friends' facebook and my own. =)

Love, your friend, Jo. :)